Jeremy Simmons: The Blog

Men, have you ever had a conversation with a woman and they start out like so,

You're a great guy and you do (insert generality here) really well. I've really enjoyed getting to know you (in this way).
HOWEVER, I'm seeing someone else. I have been since, (insert date while we were still getting to know eachother), and we recently (insert event which made them more serious).

OK, may I first say, women are manipulative bitches. With VERY VERY few exceptions to that rule. More so than I think men are. I think at some point, every woman is given a version of 'Art of War by SunTzu' retrofitted for making men believe that they are getting somewhere closer to a relationship, and then whammy, you didn't see my assassin squad sneak into your capital. Your president and senators are now all dead, your goverment is chaos and we win. Thanks for playing, now run along.

In all fairness, there has been an apt term coined to catagorize the slime of men in the same way. Player. To be fair, I hate both genders of Players, and if the world was according the Jeremy, then we would have some way of exacting somewhere near equivacable amounts of physical pain on these people they deem necessary to inflict upon us in emotional areas.

So, in closing, I would like to give a very big one-fingered solute to the women I’ve had dealings with this month who aren’t even worthy of repeating their names.

The code is really pretty simple, but lets not put the whole thing in our mouth at once. Remember what mother said, take small bites, and chew each one 30 times.

<table height="600" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="600" align="center" border="0">

Start with a table tag. Zero the borders, give it a width. No spacing, no padding, give it a height, and make the table align center to it's parent.

<col align="middle" width="200">
<col align="middle" width="200">
<col align="middle" width="200">

We're going to have 3 columns, and we want each one to be a set width. 1/3 of 600 is 200.

<tr>
<td bgcolor="#FF0000" colspan="2"><h3><font color="#FFFFFF">RED</font></h3></td>
<td bgcolor="#0000FF" rowspan="2"><h3><font color="#FFFFFF">BLUE</font></h3></td>
</tr>

Row one has two cells, one two columns wide, then another two rows tall. Make the background color of each appropriate, using short-cut style hex notiation #RED_GREEN_BLUE (two numbers each, 0-F, single number means two of the same). After that, we're going to make the font larger using the h3 tag, and a color using the font tag with a color attribute. No CSS yet, this is BASIC HTML.

<tr>
<td bgcolor="#FFFF00" rowspan="2"><h3><font color="#FFFFFF">YELLOW</font></h3></td>
<td bgcolor="#000000"><h3>
<font color="#FF0000">C</font>
<font color="#FF6600">O</font>
<font color="#FFFF00">L</font>
<font color="#00FF00">O</font>
<font color="#0000FF">R</font>
<font color="#9900CC">S</font>
</h3></td>
</tr>

Another row bites the dust. We need a cell that is two rows tall again, and then just a single column, single row cell. Then comes the fun part, wrap each letter in a color, like the rainbow. It helps to have a color chart for this. Maybe Visibone?

<tr>
<td bgcolor="#00FF00" colspan="2"><h3><font color="#FFFFFF">GREEN</font></h3></td>
</tr>
</table>

Finish it up with the last cell, two columns wide. Don't forget to close the table tag! Congratulations, now you have a pretty finished product. You have used the table, tr, td, col, h3, and font tag. Play around with the values in the attributes and see how pretty or ugly you can make it.

Sigh. I hate when hosting providers mess with your permissions, and you find out that all of your blog entries for the last two months haven't ACTUALLY posted. Oh well... I guess it's fixed now.